Resentment

Thomas Merton has a couple of words to say on this....

"The most necessary of renunciations: to give up resentment... It is the last-ditch stand of freedom in the midst of confusion. The confusion is in escapable, but at least we can refuse to accept it, we can say "No". We can live in a state of mute protest.
...But if it is a device which enables man to survive, it does not enable him, necessarily, to survive healthily. It is not a real exercise of freedom...
... The problem is to learn how to renounce resentment without selling out ... in a spirit of uplift and willing complicity...
...It is not that someone else is preventing you from living happily; you yourself do not know what you want. (!!???!!! between the eyes, mate!) Rather than admit this, you pretend that someone is keeping you from exercising your liberty. Who is this? It is you yourself... (Oh...)
...Paradoxically, it is the acceptance of God that makes you free and delivers you from human tyranny, for when you serve Him you are no longer permitted to alienate your spirit in human servitude. God did not invite the children of Israel to leave the slavery of Egypt, He commanded them to do so."
(New Seeds of Contemplation, by Thomas Merton, pg 110)

I look to the anger which bursts forth, am surprised to see a seed of resentment hiding, a mute protest as I pick up the next thing off the floor, drive to work again, demand politeness and jobs from my children, put aside my thoughts and desires for others... It is heavy, it creates headaches, joy is stifled, life is a chore, opportunities are missed, and no-one understands... What an absurd way to live!

And behind it, I remember times of serving Thee, in the midst of absurdity, and it works. The politics of work, the sullen looks, the new load of dishes, slide off like water off a ducks back, as I give all to Thee. Thy quiet steadiness prevails, the fresh way opens up, the miracle of daily life surprises again...

Bless. You always give what I need, not necessarily what I want...

And You whisper in my ear how much You love me... delight in all efforts to return to Thee, find anyway possible to remain with Thee, even when it hurts and I stomp my feet in protest. Glory to God in the highest! It is not flattery, but gentle, joyous encouragement. Blessed be God forever!